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Friday afternoon's at Troy elementary school are always wild — especially in Miss Theda's Kindergarten class. By the time Friday arrives, the students are tired from the weeks activities, and eager to go home for two sweet days of freedom.
The students, cranky from being weaned off nap-time, were playing amongst one-another when a kerfuffle broke out between two of the popular children: Atticus and Adrian.
Atticus, perfectly content to sit alone in a corner playing with a bear he named Brice, was stunned by the absolute gall of Adrian, who came over to the boy and declared "since Chris took back my Crisis Superhero Action Figure™, I'm taking your bear. It's mine now," and grabbing the bears arm, Adrian yanked it away from Atticus.
Rightfully angry, Atticus, once a great friend to the spiteful Adrian, proclaimed he would never again play with the boy, and by the God's did he mean it.
This event caused a rift to form in Miss Theda's classroom, and she took the matter to Principle Jupiter. Curious to know if he had any advice, she asked "do you have any idea as to how we could end this quarrel?"
Thinking it over, Principle Jupiter figured they would take the toys that were creating issues and send them to Mr. Sunny's Kindergarten class.
This only enraged the class further.
Atticus' best friend Patrick pleaded with the angry boy to end this feud with Adrian. "The good finger paints are wore down, our dolls have no heads, our race cars have no wheels! Please Atty, let's all get along again! The kids in Mr. Sunny's room are making fun of us."
"I won't," exclaimed Atticus, "if you want to play with the other then go ahead, but I'm not going to."
And with that, Patrick left for recess, and Atticus sat and sulked.
If only Atticus knew what was to come, and that he wouldn't see his best friend ever again... until Monday.
The playground was a war zone, and teachers aids were frantic trying to retain control. This was to no avail, as chaos reigned supreme, and chocolate milk fueled children were his minions.
Patrick walked over to his friends, and Adrian pointed to the children of Mr. Sunny's class.
"Look," uttered Adrian, "look what Atticus has done. They bring our toys onto the playground and shove them in the dirt."
"But that's not allowed," stated Patrick, "they can't bring the toys out here!"
Bravely, Patrick marched up to the biggest boy named Hector. He dangled Brice the Bear over a puddle of mud, jubilant at the thought of it's demise.
"Hey!" shouted Patrick, "those are our toys! Stop messing them up!"
"Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it," laughed Hector, but not really expecting Patrick to do anything about it, he left his guard down.
Patrick ran up to the boy, and hit him right in the face. Hector, shocked by the sucker punch, recovered quickly and hit Patrick so hard his two front teeth came out.
That was the end of recess. Everyone was ushered inside, and Patrick was sent home with a blood covered face and many regrets.
News spread quickly throughout the school of the two 5 year olds duking it out. Fifth graders joked about how many they could take on, and teachers hurried to shut the talk of it down.
Atticus, however, was enraged. His best friend had been hurt, and it was all his fault. He sent him away, alone to face the jeers of Mr. Sunny's students.
Atticus knew that Hector had a bladder problem, and he had to use the restroom every 20 minutes. He decided he must confront Hector. Grabbing a Styrofoam sword from the horse shaped toy box, Hector left the classroom.
Waiting outside the bathrooms, Atticus screamed "HECTOOORRR!"
This sudden shouting terrified Hector. He knew exactly who was waiting for him. He pulled up his shorts, forgot to wash his hands, and left the toilets to meet his adversary.
"Heeeyyy Atticus..." said Hector, "I know you're angry but —"
Hector was too slow in his explanation, as Atticus began to wail on him with the foam sword.
The cries of Hector echoed through the hallway, and teachers began to spill into the hallway.
The second five year old fight of the day was broken up, and Atticus was sent home.
Miss Theda's class never did get their toys back, but the fifth graders of Troy Elementary gained a new respect for the homicidal kindergartners.
Author's Note: When I was reading about the fight between Agamemnon and Achilles, all I thought throughout was that these two are throwing a tantrum like children. It made me laugh, so I turned them into children. I wanted to draw a picture of the two fighting, but I didn't have time. Writing this was kind of cathartic, as I used to work with children but I really hated. It was kind of fun to represent them I guess. I enjoyed writing it, and I make myself laugh at my dumb jokes.
Bibliography: Homer's Iliad (retold by A. J. Church)
